


A Spoonful of Sugar...

by Highkingeliot



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 03:38:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12004203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highkingeliot/pseuds/Highkingeliot
Summary: Eliot deals with his anxiety and faces some new issues, Quentin helps sort things out.





	A Spoonful of Sugar...

“Take once daily for depression. Take once daily for anxiety.” I read off the two bottles I was handed in a small bag. “Seriously?” I let out a slow sigh and put the bottles back in the bag. I put the bag in my back pack so no one else would see them. 

“Hey El. Where ya been?”

“Uh, nowhere Margo. Just had some errands to run.” I lied as I quickly headed to my room. 

I rushed and shoved the bottles in my nightstand drawer. I looked at the drawer and quickly moved them to my sock drawer. “There, no one but me should look in there.”  
I quickly closed the drawer. 

“You ok El? You’re acting weird.”

“Yeah. Fine. Just taking care of my stuff like usual.” I pulled the books out of my bag and set them on the bed. “I have to uh… study…. So,….I’ll be down later.” I said ushering her out of the room. 

I closed the door behind me and sat down on the bed. I pulled out my laptop. “Ok….where to begin…” I looked around the room and decided maybe reading up on these new pills would help.

I pulled out the little paper they give you with the pills and started reading. 

“Yeah…Yeah… for treatment of depression and anxiety…. Yadda…..ok here we go… side effects……Could make you drowsy, decreased appetite, could be good if you ask me, I’ve been eating enough to feed a small army recently….irritability…. worsened depression or suicidal thoughts….. ummm ok isn’t this supposed to fix that?” 

I put the one paper down and picked up the other. They read about the same except the anxiety one added in nervousness and mood swings. Great… needed those. 

I put the papers in a small box in my closet. Didn’t want to risk anyone seeing them in the trash. 

I sighed and picked up the first book in my pile. “Practical Applications of Advanced Telekinesis” 

“Good God this sounds….like….shit.” I rolled my eyes and opened the book. I started reading. It read like most typical text books. The introduction to higher level telekinetic abilities. 

“How your mind affects your casting….” I read. Ok, I might actually need this part.   
“Being in a depressed state can affect the spells you cast. Your mind is your strongest asset with telekinesis. Being in an altered state such as heavy drinking, recreational drugs and mental illness can all have an affect on how you cast. Your pronunciations and incantations are vital to your advanced telekinesis.”

“Well, ok then.” I rolled my eyes and continued to read. 

The page went on and on about how to clear your mind. Some tips on meditation and ways to seek help for mental illness. Apparently that’s something that plagues the physical magic world. 

I walked downstairs to see everyone doing their own thing. Margo had her magazines and her phone, Alice had her pile of books, Quentin was reading and taking notes, though not sure if it was coursework or Fillory. I smiled to myself and quietly grabbed a bottle of my favorite liquor and retreated to my room. 

I grabbed the second book. “Year Four Spell Casting.” 

“Sounds…about as exciting as an enema.” I rolled my eyes and opened it up. 

I flipped to a random page. I looked at the diagrams and did them one by one. This incantation was in Japanese. I recited the words and put the motions with it. Nothing. “Damn.”

I looked down at the page again and read the words. “Ok… Got it.” 

I tried the casting again. Nothing. “Well, shit.”   
I looked back at the pages and made sure I was doing the motions right. I tried one last time. 

With the final motion a bolt of lightning was shot from my hands and hit the wall knocking the pictures down. Parts of the wall were starting to burn and a few stray decorations I grabbed a glass of water and threw it on the small flames. 

“Shit!” I cleaned up as quickly as I could as I heard a commotion coming up the stairs.

“Eliot!!”

“Uhhhh, I’m fine…..” I called out, hoping that would send them away. 

I heard the door open. Damn. I knew I should have locked that. I rolled my eyes and looked over. 

“El?”

“What Quentin.”

“You ok?”

“Yep. Peachy.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, just working on my ….uhh.. homework.” 

“Your homework was to put a hole in the wall?”

“There’s no hole….just a little….burn…..Ok it’s a bit of a hole.” 

Quentin walked over and picked up a few pictures and set them on the table. 

“You know there’s a better place to do that.”

“Yes. Thanks Quentin.” 

“Sorry.”

He looked away and brushed the hair out of his eyes.

I stood up.

“Look, ummm, Sorry. I just have been… I’m dealing with stuff right now.”  
“Yeah. Fogg said you weren’t yourself.”

“Yeah. Look. Let me clean this up. You just go back downstairs and finish your homework.” 

I ushered him out of the room and finished cleaning up. 

The hole wasn’t that big and after moving a bookshelf a few feet, you didn’t even know it was there. 

I sat down on the bed and pulled up my computer again. I heard the familiar ping of a new email. 

Sender: Dean Fogg  
Subject: Class….

Eliot,

I heard you went and talked to the counselor. I’m glad you did something. There is no shame in needing help. With your past life can be rough. Drinking is not the solution. It’s different with you being a magician, especially in your area of discipline. I, too, have faced some hard times. These things take time. I encourage you to keep making progress. I offer myself as a point of reference if you need to talk or if you have questions. 

I, for one, am proud of you. 

Respectfully,

Dean Henry Fogg  
Brakebills

“Hmmmm. Glad you’re proud of me.” I quipped. I hovered the icon above the delete button but chose to save it. Not often I have in writing people are proud of me. I shrugged and closed my computer. 

I looked up at the time and had been ‘studying’ for several hours. I opened my door to see everyone had gone to bed. The whole house was dark. 

I closed my door, took a few more long swigs of my liquor and got undressed. 

I laid down in bed. 

“Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe one day I won’t need this shit. Quentin stopped taking his shit when he got here. What the fuck is so wrong with me?”

I laid there and felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I brushed them away and turned out the light. 

I heard a quiet knock on my door. I just laid there. The door slowly opened. 

“El? Can we talk?’

“What Quentin?”

“El, Dean Fogg told me what happened.” He walked in and sat down on the bed. 

“Congratulations.” I grumbled

“El. It’s going to be ok.”

“For you maybe.” I growled.

“El, I stopped taking my pills cause this fixed it. I’m not alone. I’m not misunderstood anymore.”

“Good for you.” I snapped.

“El. There’s no shame in needing help.”

“Says the boy who came here and had all his problems solved. Well, good for you Q. You got it all sorted out. You’re accepted and people love you. Congratulations. You came here, gave up your meds and everything is ok now.” I felt tears starting to form so in a huff I laid down and faced the wall. 

“Eliot, I didn’t have a life like yours. Yeah, my family didn’t get me but they didn’t practically abandon me. I had friends growing up and it was different.” 

“Quentin, I don’t need your little speech right now so you can go.” I said not even bothering to make eye contact. 

“El…..”

“Just go.” 

“You push me away cause you’re afraid to care. You think if you do that I’ll just leave…. You think…”

“No, Q I know!. It’s only a matter of time. They all leave. I don’t care cause there’s no point. They all leave so why bother getting attached when I’ll just end up alone. You think one day we’ll all end up in fucking Fillory, I’ll go bathe naked in Chatwin’s Torrent and everything will be fine. My damned heart won’t be broken anymore, I’ll believe in love again…it will be a grand fucking fairy-tale!”

“I think you just need to be loved and just fucking accept it instead of hiding away.”

“Yeah. Let me just go find my magic river first.” I rolled my eyes. 

He picked up a glass of water and threw it in my face. 

“Chatwin’s glass. Get over yourself.”

“Yeah. Oh look I’m cured.”

“Stop being such a martyr. Jesus El.” I saw the look of pain in his eyes. 

“Why the hell do you care? Why did you even come in here.”

“Cause I’ve been there. I’ve been on the meds. I fucking committed myself cause I thought I was losing my shit. I came here and that fixed it. I found out what my problem was. Out there, it’s all in my head. Here, I’m understood and I belong.”

“Great.”

“El, I lost my mind cause I needed magic. I found magic and I got my mind back. You…..You have magic….you found it…. Now your mind is just telling you it’s wrong. All your life you were told you were wrong. You were made fun of for dressing up, you couldn’t be yourself, you knew something was different. You came here it explained some stuff but you can’t just fix that kind of pain. My mind was fixed cause I found out I had magic. El, you need to find your magic again but your mind won’t let you. Just…..you need a little help to get back on track. There’s no shame in that.” 

I saw the tears forming in his eyes. 

“Q….I….”

“El, just take the meds. They’ll help. Maybe once you get this all worked out you’ll believe again. In magic. In Fillory. In yourself.” 

At this point he was crying. Tears rolling down his face. He couldn’t control it. 

I just stood there.

“Please El.”

“Ok.” I conceded. I just stood there looking down admitting my defeat. 

He walked over and hugged me. 

“I care about you El. It’s going to be ok.”

“I’m glad someone cares about me.” I let out a slow sigh.

He hugged me some more then let me go. 

I walked over to my bed and laid down. He turned off the light. I didn’t hear the door open or close but I just laid there. After a few moments I felt someone crawl in bed with me. He laid behind me and draped his arm over me. 

“I’ll always be here for you El.”

“Thanks.”

I laid there as a few stray tears fell down my cheek. 

I rolled over to see him laying there his eyes closed and slowly breathing. I ran my hand through his hair. 

“I don’t think you know how much I need you Q.” I whispered to his sleeping body. 

I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off as “Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing played in my head.


End file.
